Wives Must Submit to Their Husbands

     Hello, controversy!

Just to give our memories a bit of a jog, here's the not so subtle pericope:

     Ephesians 5:22-33
"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord,because the husband is the head of the wife as also Christ is the head of the church—he himself being the savior of the body. But as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to sanctify her by cleansing her with the washing of the water by the word, so that he may present the church to himself as glorious — not having a stain or wrinkle, or any such blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one has ever hated his own body but he feeds it and takes care of it, just as Christ also does the church, for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and will be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This mystery is great — but I am actually speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each one of you must also love his own wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband (NET)."

     I acknowledge that this portion of Scripture has been used in ways that is not so pretty. I have seen the side-eye given to the the officiate whenever he or she declares that wives must submit to their husbands from behind the pulpit at a wedding. This doesn't seem like a beautiful metaphor to get a young couple started on an equal playing field, I know. But, you should give it a chance.

     Let's talk about this word, "submit," because I know that's what probably brought you here. Submit means to "to give over or yield to the power or authority of another" (Dictionary.com). Yep. It means what you think it means. But, does it mean that men should expect their wives to do everything they say, simply because they are men? No. Does it mean that men "rule" over women? No. Does it mean that men get to control their wives? No. Well, does it mean men have a free pass to say anything, do anything, deserve anything from their wives simply because they are men? No. And, without question, this word does not mean that men can come even a little bit close to beating or harming their wives. So, what does this word mean? Paul tells us. In 5:32, when he says, ...But I am actually speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

     We know about marriage. We know it works better when people love each other, and take the time to get to know each other. It is also better when the couple live on an even playing field. That's why Paul moves from wives submitting to their husbands to both people submitting to God. Even more than that, he puts this thing we can relate to, and understand so well (marriage) into a different, more grandios perspective, the relationship between God and His church - His people. Husbands being the head of the household has less to do with control, and more to do with responsibility. Responsibility to lead his family on a faith-filled, and relationship-building path to God.

    It is a beautiful image to think of the two people becoming one. There's such a connection there that you can't get anywhere else. Another responsibility of the husband is to love his wife with all he is; to love her is to love himself.

     Wives, I am of the opinion that we don't get instructed here to do much else other than submit, and to respect our husbands because we are not given so much of the same responsibility. This doesn't necessarily make our job easier, it just means we have a different job -- to respect our husbands. I also acknowledge that women (like men) wear many different hats that accompany their role as a wife, i.e. - entrepreneur, mom, teacher, roller derby girl, sailor, missionary, barista, etc, etc... These instructions don't limit us to stereotypes like only making breakfast, lunch, and dinner, having his babies, doing the chores, and speaking only when spoken to. No, these exhortations are given so that we know our role in the marriage. We are to love our husbands, but furthermore, we are to respect them. Dave and I were talking about this over breakfast when he mentioned that men will do almost anything for respect - fight wars for reasons that the rest of us don't understand, shame other men if they aren't adhering to the fictitious rules of the man card, and sometimes men will even be awesome dads, and be the balance in a world where people don't understand how respect is actually earned. Men are tough, but in certain ways their feelings need be treaded on lightly. Respect is a specific thing that God knew men needed from their wives.

     Husbands, we need your love. Women are tough creatures as well, but require your tenderness. God knew that throughout life, women need to feel love more than anything from their husbands.

     Church, God is worth our submission, love, and respect. A relationship with God looks really similar to marriage. There's give, and take, unity, and authority, and all that love, and time it takes to get to know Him. Paul is urging the people of Ephesus to build this structure into their marriages, but most importantly, into their relationship with God. Though this is an ancient value, it can very well permeate through the lives we lead today if we let it.

     God really loves you. Like, really. I hope you and everyone you know, knows that.


If you disagree, or have thoughts on the issue email me! I welcome the conversation, just not in public forums.


References

Ephesians 5:22-33. (2014). New English Translation, (p. 1177).

SUBMIT. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged. Retrieved July 18, 2014, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/SUBMIT